Questions, Answers, & More Questions

The Ministry Discernment Seminar is a meeting that all graduates of M.B.B.S have. So this past Friday Carl (and me too) had the meeting. Before anything can take place, Carl answered a set of questions, then gave a copy of them to a number of people he wanted to be part of this meeting. He asked a friend from class, someone he has connections with through church, a few people that live in the courtyard with us, plus a faculty member here on campus, as well as his faculty advisor from Winnipeg who was on the speaker phone.

I had briefly looked at the questions Carl answered so that I would be prepared for the meeting. But as for mentally and emotionally preparing for the meeting, well, I was distracted with packing (hold on, next post), Carl's cold, and taking minutes at this meeting, to really process what was about to take place.

See, it wasn't just meant to have people meet and talk about your time at school and chat about our plans, but it was meant for people who see us, really see us, to speak truth into our lives and help us discern what our next step is. That's a big thing to just walk into, but unfortunately, that's what I did.

So as I'm taking minutes, people were asking Carl to clarify some of the answers he wrote as well as taking the opportunity to ask more probing and personal questions. Only about half way through the meeting, I stopped and thought about what was being asked and how Carl was responding. Then I started to engage in the meeting and answer questions myself.

During the meeting, we talked a lot about what was next for us, and of course we discussed us pursuing a term with Mennonite Central Committee. We talked about why we wanted to go and serve somewhere in Latin America and what that would look like for our family. The group recognized that we have gifts that would work well in a cross cultural setting and also affirmed us in our pastoral gifts. But they wondered why we hadn't pursued pastoral ministry in the same way as we had been with M.C.C. I thought it was because going with M.C.C. just made sense; hey, we're gone from home, why not be gone even longer? We have always desired to live in another country, so why not go?

I wondered if maybe there was an underlying fear of heading back into pastoral ministry and that's why we hadn't really thought about staying in North America. I haven't had much time to think about this, but my friend Megan, who was at the ministry discernment meeting, came by this morning to see how I was doing. Throughout the conversation, I wondered if we are afraid of being back into a church because we came out of our last experience with so many mixed emotions. We were tired, but we were leaving something that was so good for us, leaving something that was so familiar to us, leaving friends that we had only related to within the church context. Now that we've been gone, though our physical presence isn't in that church, we are still a part of it. And working in another church would mean that we wouldn't be a part of our last church anymore. Am I not ready to let that go? Am I not ready for that kind of change? And for Carl, who is working hard in school, has he had enough space and rest to feel equipped to go into another pastoral role? What does a pastoring look like when he's been changed by school? Is there a church out there for us? But what about M.C.C.?

So as you can see the meeting brought up a lot of questions, and answers, and then more questions. I was so glad for this time for people to give their insight into our lives. It was encouraging for people who have only known us for 8 months to be able to identify our weaknesses and our gifts. I think that's just amazing that in such a short time people can see so much. The comfort of it all was that these people don't have any strings attached to us because no matter what we do or where we go, eventually all of us will leave school and leave this time and space where our lives have intersected. There was a safety in hearing what they had to say.

I'm thinking that Carl and I need to schedule in a post ministry discernment seminar meeting, maybe over a nice meal or something, but this time, I don't intend to be distracted by taking minutes.