A Favourite Quote

I came across this quote last week in Ethics class and it just spoke volumes to me.

Grace is not blanket endorsement of human autonomy....
it does not leave us free to do as we like;
it sets us free to answer a call.

Andy Crouch

Kezia's Unfortunate Mishaps

Poor Kezia has always had trouble keeping herself injury free. She seems to have a knack with bumping into or tripping over things. This week alone she fell against a tree and tripped over the sidewalk. Maybe it's because she's growing so much she can't keep track of her long legs and arms. Well on Tuesday, she was dancing in her room and fell against her table. She got quite the contusion by her left eye. Thankfully she didn't hit her eye, and she's such a trooper that the tears were gone quickly.

But as I was taking a picture (for her to remember when she's 17), I thought back to the other times she's had major facial injuries. Last summer she got bitten by a spider and her whole eye swelled shut. And the year before that, she took a head dive into the metal corner round in Joel's room. Each time she cried a bit, but then quickly recovered. And she's not shy about explaining to people about what happened; as if it was an every day occurrence, which for Kezia wouldn't be a stretch to assume.

I don't know about you,but I think my girl is made of steel!
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Asha is 7 Months

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It's been a pretty eventful month for our little Asha. This month she learned to crawl and she got two new teeth! She has also discovered the joy of food and can't seem to get enough of it. Her favourites are peas, sweet potatoes, prunes, green beans, bananas, applesauce, squash....well, actually everything she's tried!

Asha loves her new mode of transportation (herself instead of Carl, Joel or myself carrying her) and is starting to get into the movies, into the toys in the kids' room, and other places where she's not suppose to be. It's pretty funny and then slightly maddening how determined she is!

Carl has also discovered that when they watch T.V. together, she insists on holding the remote. That will be a skill that will come in handy when she gets married.

Today was a pretty good day for Asha. It started off with her diaper busting all inside her sleeper. In my 5 years of parenting and 16 years of babysitting, I have never had a disposable diaper burst and leak out its gel contents. YUCK! So this morning Asha had a bath.

She was such a happy girl at common meal and for pictures on the grass. She had a great nap this afternoon and is a real pro at falling asleep on her own. Staying asleep at night....well that's a different story.

It's been a great month, and a great day for Asha.

Speaking my Mind and Sharing my Heart

In the last two days, I have had opportunity to speak to people about what is going on in my head and my heart, on two separate occasions. The first happened yesterday.....

A few weeks ago, we parents met in the courtyard as an ongoing process of getting deliberate with our neighbours (can't remember what I'm talking about? Click here) Well, part of that was me feeling like I needed to go and speak with someone in the administration building and share my ideas of how we could implement a court manager, or as I phrased it a courtyard life coordinator. I first went to speak to....well, let's call her Nadine about having someone initiate discussion and community in the courtyard, and then she said she would talk to....Lindsey who is financially responsible for the courtyard apartments. Well, a few hours later, I got an email from Nadine saying that Lindsey wasn't interested in having someone getting paid to take care of the recycling. I felt discouraged and upset because the things that I communicated weren't addressed; didn't she really hear me? I didn't stress we needed someone to take care of the physical maintenance, but the social maintenance of the apartments. I decided to press the issue further, and sent a rebuttal email back saying that I would like to meet face to face, since email wasn't effective for this kind of conversation.

Lindsey agreed to meet with me yesterday and Nadine joined us. At first I was intimidated but those feelings quickly disappeared. Then I had a feeling of caution because I didn't want to say anything that might be antagonistic. The long and the short of it was that I spent an hour speaking with the two of them and we came up with some fairly good ideas; I felt like I had been heard. I also learned that the person who is in charge of money isn't the best person to be in charge of social or community climate, which can't be measured like money. I was affirmed by them when they said they appreciated me coming and speaking to them and it was a shame that we weren't around at MBBS for another year; she said we show a lot of leadership qualities and would have been good as the court life coordinator. I assured her that there would be someone coming next year that would fit quite well and have a concern for community like us. They just had to be on the lookout for those leadership types and be a bit more proactive with growing community. I'm hoping that my conversation yesterday will open doors that will benefit seminary students in the future.

So that was yesterday where I shared my mind and today I went with Laura (she's in the PR dept. at the seminary) and her sister Sara to Dinuba MB for their ladies meeting. Sara shared about her experience as a student, and I shared as the spouse of a student. This was the first time ever that I got up in front of people and just started blabbing. I usually have some notes or something to guide my gab, but this time I just got up and opened my mouth. I shared about how we processed the decision to come to seminary, what it was like to move from Canada and our experiences here that have changed us. I asked the ladies to pray for our family, as well as all the other seminary students, who have many unknowns about the future. It was energizing to get up and speak in front of people and to share from my heart. And afterwards we had a very touching conversation with a gal named Jennifer. It was definitely a God thing that we were there in Dinuba this morning.

Thesis Update

Some of you were wondering how the thesis is coming along. Carl is working on it most of the day, each and every day. His minimum needs to be 100 pages, but he figures that he will probably end up writing 110 or 120 pages. Carl wants to finish his draft by the end of the month, make any changes in March and defend in April. That's the plan.

So....as of today, he's on page 85!

Wow! Joel's Five

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Yesterday was a very special day....it was Joel's 5th birthday. We had a lovely day celebrating. In the morning we went to church and Joel announced to everyone that he was no longer 4, he was FIVE! After church, we asked Joel where he wanted to go for lunch. Carl gave him many choices and after a minute of pondering, Joel requested Japanese food (I was so thankful we didn't have to go to McDonald's, but for his birthday, I would have done it). Well, we didn't know of a Japanese restaurant and we didn't think the Tanaka family was prepared for us to invite ourselves over for lunch, so we got in the van to look for a Chinese restaurant.

We found a place that was also serving Dim Sum, so we went in and had a great lunch. Joel was thrilled with the egg rolls and tried quite a few of the other dishes (his favourite was the BBQ Pork Buns). After lunch we drove home and gave Joel his presents. He got Spiderman stuff, A Lightning McQueen paint sprayer kit, a frisbee and cars, new pajamas, jean shorts, money, books, a semi-truck, and a Lightning McQueen pillow sheet and quilt. After Joel was finished opening his presents, he gave Kezia a big hug and started to clean up all the wrapping paper. What a kid! He loved all his gifts, but was most excited about the Spiderman stuff, the frisbee and the new quilt. I was tickled pink with that!
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The rest of the afternoon he spent chatting with family and friends on the phone. He also dressed up in his Spiderman costume and played with his cars. I made rice and beans for supper (Joel's favourite) and then after had German chocolate pie that Joel picked out from Marie Callendar's.

After supper Joel had a long bubble bath and got into his new pajamas and crawled under his new quilt. I looked at the clock after I prayed with him and it was 9:17.....Joel was born at 9:17 CA time. Hard to believe how the time has flown. Where has my little baby boy gone? Now I marvel at how tall he is (he's 4 ft) and how much he can do. He can cut with a knife and fork, serve food at the table, he can ride a two wheeled bike, buckle his own seatbelt, he can write his name and lots of other words, he knows words in Spanish, Lau, and Japanese, he can dribble a basketball, and care for his baby sister, Joel can fold laundry, he can dance, and he's got a huge heart for those around him and through that he teaches us a lot about life. We are so blessed to have Joel in our family.
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Poor Canadian Kid

Yesterday was a pretty ordinary day. That was until Joel found a cardboard box in my bedroom and announced he was going to work on a project. I asked him what he was planning to do with the box, and he replied, "I don't know yet, I have to think about it".

Kezia pulled out her colouring and so her and I did that for a while. Later, I went to see what Joel was up to. He was madly colouring the sides of the box, and then he asked me if I would help him make a steering wheel and a helmet.

"So have you decided what you're making?"

"Well, I think I'm going to make a toboggan".

"Hmmm...what are you going to do with it?"

"I'm going to slide down the hill with it".

"It might be hard to slide down on the grass".

"I'm not going to use it on the grass, I'm going to make a huge pile of snow and slide down it".

"There isn't any snow outside honey".

"I know that Mom, we'll never have snow here, even though it's almost my birthday. Kind of weird, huh?"

"Yeah, it's kind of strange....Do you miss the snow?"

"Not really, it's kinda cold, but I wish I could go tobogganing. So that's why I'm making one so that when we get back to Canada, I can go right away".

"But Joel, when we go back, it'll be summer and there isn't any snow in summer".

"What?! No snow in February...no snow in summer.....How long do I have to wait?".

"It'll come soon enough".

Shhh...Don't Tell Joel

For the last week I've been working on a special project for Joel's birthday. It's something that I have never done before and it all started the week before Chinese New Year....

Kezia's preschool teacher asked me at the end of Jan. if I could sew, I told her that I don't really know how. It was like she didn't hear me because she went on to ask if I'd be willing to help sew the dragon for the New Year's celebration. I repeated, I don't really know how to sew, and she said, "Oh it's easy, can you sew a straight line?". "No, Corina, I can't really sew". "So can you come tomorrow?". Sigh. "Of course I can come and try and help".

The next day I showed up, Corina pointed me towards the sewing machine and the material, explained what she wanted, and walked out of the room. I thought I would be working with someone (I can do that; confidence in numbers). I was left alone with this foreign contraption, this sharp, skin puncturer, it knew I was afraid of it....

I read the manual twice and then carefully placed the fabric under it's jaws and stepped on the pedal ever so gently. Keeping my flesh clear of the needle, I managed to sew a semi-straight line. After a while, my confidence grew and I was able to piece together the end of the dragon tail. When Corina returned, she was thrilled and said that I did a great job. I even got a bit innovative with attaching the plastic "ribs" of the dragon. Hah! I had survived my encounter with the machine.

A few days later, Corina said that she was so impressed with my sewing skills that she wanted me to take it home and try a few projects. "Corina, I can't sew". What was I going to do with a sewing machine? She insisted that I at least try maybe making a simple blanket or something. "But I can't sew". "Isn't it Joel's birthday soon? Why don't you make him a quilt?". "Corina, putting together scrap material is one thing, but I can't really sew". This went on for about 10 minutes, and finally I agreed to take the sewing machine home, just to make her happy.

The thing sat on my kitchen table for about a week and I was about to take it back, when I happened to be at Walmart. Now I usually go to Target, but today I was picking up pictures. I was only with Asha and thought I would just take a peek in the fabric section. I was just browsing, when I stumbled upon this amazing Lightning McQueen fabric and this cool black and white checkered material and then I got to thinking......

Oh please Kathy, you can't sew. Ms. McLean told you in eighth grade that you can sew because you couldn't even finish a pair of shorts by yourself. You can't figure out seam allowances, you can't load a bobbin, and you can hardly cut straight, let alone sew straight! Mom Heppner isn't here to help now, Danae is thousands of miles away.... But wait a second Kathy, you did teach measurement in high school. You can figure out area and perimeter of a composite figure; you probably can calculate your way along....

So I went home and kind of mentioned the idea to Carl, and he thought it was a great idea. He did remind me that I would have to be patient and figure out what I was doing before I started chopping. And he suggested I call his Mom.

I received very good advice from Ruth, looked on a few websites, and talked to the lady at Walmart. I bought the material, batting and thread and headed home. I was excited about starting my project, but I knew that I could only start once all the kids were in bed.

Each night for 5 nights I pulled out the sewing machine and started at about 9:30 p.m. I worked until about 1 a.m. or earlier depending on how tired I was. Though I had conquered the machine, I knew that if I became tired and careless, it would sense that my defenses were down and chomp my fingers together.

And finally on Wednesday night (well, actually Thursday early morning), I finished the quilt. It's hiding in my closet in a plastic bag and Joel has no idea. I'm pretty proud of my accomplishment, and I certainly learned a lot from my project. I can't wait to give it to him on Sunday.

I told Corina on Thursday, when I picked up the kids, that I would return the machine because I had finished Joel's quilt. She asked me if I had done one for each of the girls, and I said no. "Well, you just keep that machine until you can do quilts for the girls too! If you don't do it now, you'll never do it. Why don't you try patchwork this time? Let me know how they turn out". And she turned on her heel and walked away.

But Corina, I don't sew.....

A Pretty Good Day

Today we had a nice surprise in the mail. We got a cheque (that's check if you're American) from our insurance company. Remember that fender bender I had in December? Click here for the story...

Anyways, the cheque was for the deductible that we had to pay. I was upset about the fact that even though it wasn't our fault, we were stuck with the $250 bill. But soon after, when I accepted it as just a part of life, I forgot about it and just figured, we'd make due. So it was a nice surprise to get that in mail. God provides even when we least expect it.

Another part of the day that was good was that Makiko (she lives in the courtyard too) came by and asked if I would be willing to teach her daughter, Skiki piano lessons. I am thrilled and excited about the possibility to teach music again. We'll have to talk it over and figure out when it would work etc.

While I was talking with Makiko, she kept apologizing that her English wasn't too good, and then I said to her, well my Japanese is horrible! We both laughed and then she told me that Joel really surprised her today. She had asked Soh (her son) where his little brother was in Japanese and before Soh could respond, Joel said in English, "He's out back Mrs. Tanaka". What!? My boy is learning Japanese, and it's no wonder since the Tanaka house is a second home for him.

I'm thankfully for one more thing. For the last few days, Asha and I have been suffering from allergies but thankfully last night it rained and so the pollen and smog in the air have been washed away. When we both woke up this morning, our runny noses had dried up!

And the last thing that makes today a good day was that Carl told me he's just finished page 60 on the thesis.

It's great to have good days like this.

My Smart Man

Last week at chapel, Carl was presented with a certificate for making the Dean's List. It was awarded to students taking full time studies who achieved a G.P.A of 3.9 or higher. Carl has a grade point average of 4.0. All the hours at the library studying, reading, and writing papers have paid off. I'm very proud of Carl.



p.s. Today Carl is on page 54 of his thesis. Go Carl, Go!

Neighbours- Getting Deliberate

In November (click here for the whole story) I felt like the only time I related to my neighbours in the court was either by accident, or when our kids were misbehaving. After I finished brewing over the "big"incident, I decided it would be easier just to let my expectations of having deliberate relationships here go. And so for the past few months, I have gone about my life, interacting and trying to be friends, but not expecting much.

Well, three weeks ago another incident happened that really upset me. It wasn't a big thing, but another parent came and talked to us (which I was glad for) about something Joel did. But because of the language barrier and the fact that I had just returned from Calgary that afternoon, I misunderstood the other parent and assumed they said the kids couldn't play together anymore. We were just leaving for homegroup, and so I was trying to contain my frustration and anger and hurt before we left. But it was no use and once we got there, the tears spilled over and I blubbered about the incident and my disappointment with my neighbours.

Okay, to make a long story short, we went over to talk to the other family the next day, cleared up the misunderstanding and expressed our disappointment with the lack of community here. We had been waiting for those that had been here longer to open up and initiate a relationship. So that week we were invited out for lunch by the family, we started bringing treats over, the kids were playing better together, but we still hadn't met as families to discuss the issues that loomed over our heads.....

Until Wednesday, when Budi came by and said that it would be good for the three families to meet. I was SO glad. Finally, communication!

So I went over to Yoshi's house with Budi (the other three spouses weren't around), and we started to talk about how we can help our kids play together and how we as parents can understand each other. It became very apparent that the three families have very different parenting styles, very different ways of dealing with their children, and very different cultures. How could we make this work?

All six of us met at our house yesterday and continued the discussion. What do we want to see here in the courtyard? What needs to change? How do we work as a team? How can we raise our children and still respect each other's cultures? It was kind of neat as we talked, the speaker would pause, Yoshi would translate in Japanese for Makiko, Budi and Lily talked in Indonesian, and Carl and I whispered in English; all of us trying to clarify to each other's spouse what was just said. And then the next thought would be expressed....

After 2 hours, I came away with a new understanding of how different Japanese, Indonesian, and Western culture is. We really wrestled with the issue of hitting and rough play. Some felt that it wasn't acceptable at all, others felt that it was okay, as long as the children knew when to stop, and some felt there was no problem at all. And the differences were a manifestation of very different cultural viewpoints. I'll explain as best I can.

In Western culture, it is a guilt society where if you hurt someone, you are guilty and are punished, and then out of that punishment, you feel bad. But in Asian culture, it is a shame society, where if you hurt someone, you feel guilty because of the hurt and shame you caused your family, and therefore you learn and that is the punishment. So physical roughhousing is seen as positive in Asian culture because it's the way you learn limits (both physical and verbal) to what is acceptable and what will not bring shame upon yourself. Interesting eh?

But unfortunately, we aren't in Asia, we are all pacifists, our kids have been living (or adapting) in the guilt society, and we are still trying to teach empathy. So we need to meet somewhere in the middle. And that's what we did.

This morning, we parents met together, came up with simple ground rules, and then invited all the kids in so that we can all express the new guidelines to them. I think they took it really well, and as parents, we know this is only the beginning. We plan to continue to remind the children, to speak to our own in each of our homes, and then meet again as parents in a few weeks.

I'm really glad that we finally have worked things out. We've opened the doors of communication, we have learned more about our neighbours' culture, and we have a greater appreciation for each other. I am so glad that though it's my natural inclination to lead, someone else took the initiative and started this process.

Now I feel compelled to pay someone in the administration building a little visit and speak to them about having a formal courtyard manager. What we did today as parents should have happened months ago. I'll keep you posted on how that goes.....

What A Valentine's Day!

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It was a great day today, not romantic or gushy, but just a wonderful day for our family.

Usually Thursdays are hectic because Carl has a morning class and I have to get all three kids ready so that I can take Joel and Kezia to preschool. Today, however there were a few extra things to do. I got a flyer from the preschool last week about the Valentine's Day festivities. First, all the kids could dress in formal attire and so I was spending extra time with dressing and hair (Kezia really wanted to have a special hair-do). Then I had to get all the Valentine's cards and the change of clothes for after the party. I was a bit surprised that it was going to be such a formal party at school.

The kids had bible lesson and singing first thing in the morning. I came back at 10:00 for an hour to watch the BALLROOM DANCING. Yes, the preschool had a lady come in and teach the kids a few dancing steps! It was priceless. Kezia was thrilled, although she was a bit shy. Joel on the other hand wasn't impressed (along with the other big boys), until the teachers got everyone paired up and then he really got into it. For lunch the kids had a nice sit down lunch of heart shaped peanut butter and jam sandwiches, and they learned proper table etiquette. When Carl picked up the kids, he was surprised at all the candies and goodies they had from their classmates.

Then at home, the kids opened cards from Grandma Heppner, Auntie Judy, and Asha (from Winnipeg, but she's studying in Montreal). And I had put new t-shirts and a few candies on their pillows. Carl and the kids gave me very nice cards, a helium balloon and more candy. I had gone to Marie Callendar's after I left the preschool and gotten Carl a coconut cream pie. It's his favourite and I knew he'd like a gift like that. Why waste money on roses or expensive candy, when a pie from Marie's says, I love you, loud and clear.

Everyone had a really nice day today. Valentine's Day is all about telling the ones you love, how much they mean to you, and it was mission accomplished in the Heppner household.

Ethics Class - Boundaries

Today's class was interesting and thought provoking and a bit frustrating too. We talked about two types of churches, the bounded set church and the centre set church. The bounded set is a group that has a list of characteristics that determines whether a person meets the bar and is in or out. The line is clear and defined. And the centred set group is created by having a centre (which would be Jesus) and all moving towards that centre. The line of in or out changes and is fluid.

It got me to thinking about legalism and boundaries and how that has infiltrated my thinking as a Christian. I reflected on my experience as a teen in a very conservative Mennonite church and then my trip down to Bolivia and wondered how that shaped me as a person today. I think I like the boundary set church because there's a clear to-do list. So I can sit there with my magic pen to check off all the good things that I've done and then approach God for my seal of approval. But then I think of my guilt and fear if I don't measure up and hope that no one else sees me screw up.....

Oh be careful little hands what you do
Oh be careful little hands what you do
For the Father up above
Is looking down in love,
So be careful little hands what you do

But my Dad and I added our own line for the fourth one and sang, For the Father up above, has a load of bricks he'll shove. We got good laughs, but then I would wonder, does God really have a load he'll shove and splatter me all over the pavement if I screw up? Certainly I have been splattered by loads shoved by fellow Christians. And do I have a load that I'm holding over someone else?

At Kingdom Tide (evening "service" at church) this Sunday, we had a discussion about the attributes of God and many people shared how they see God as an angry God, a God that judges. And I think maybe they have that Oh be Careful What you Do song swirling around in their subconscious, keeping them awake at night wondering what kind of punishment they'll get. Then they go to church, a church that holds tight this boundary set, and it only gets reinforced by fellow believers.

But the centred set church is freeing and messy and unpredictable. How in the world can you know who measures up? Well, I guess the question is, are you moving towards Christ? And what motivates you to do the things you do? Then I have to look at my relationship with Christ and my relationship to Christ. Then there's the relationship with my fellow believer. Instead of acting as judge, I come alongside someone and help them up to continue the journey towards the centre. The prof, Mark, challenged us that we work towards being centre set by thinking when we respond to a fellow believer. When they ask whether or not it's wrong to drink, will I respond as a boundary set or a centre set thinking person?

Sure, there are boundaries with the centred set church as Mark illustrated. A symphony can welcome amateurs, professionals, old and young alike, music lovers and those willing to learn. But it couldn't accept people who hate music and just want to disrupt the practice and concert. So too the church should accept anyone who desires to engage in the music, regardless of talent or experience.

Then amidst our discussion in class, there's always someone who makes a really ignorant comment (which was maddening) and then I was with a person in a small group that made a blanket statement that failed to recognize some of us come from very different cultures/churches/backgrounds. Grrrrr.......

Well, never mind. The book, Religious No More by Mark Baker (my prof; hey, I should get him to autograph my book!) is really good. In fact, I was tempted to keep reading it in class. It's a very good read, and I think you should pick up this book and read it. Until next week...

Princesses on Ice

On Sunday, Kezia and I had the pleasure of attending Disney Princesses on Ice. My mom and grandma had sent money for Kezia's birthday and so this show was a bit of a belated birthday gift. I thought that Kezia would enjoy this type of experience and I was looking forward to taking my daughter to see a Disney show.

Kezia picked out a very nice dress and necklace to wear to the show. Joel was a bit disappointed that he wasn't going until Carl told him that it would be dancing princesses on the ice and then he changed his mind pretty quick. The boys and Asha dropped us off (since parking would have been horrendous) and we arrived in plenty of time to buy a drink and find our seats. It was pretty overwhelming to see all the little girls decked out in princess outfits, with elaborate up-do's and makeup on. Some mothers were dressed in matching dresses. Ack! Kezia didn't even notice. And she didn't notice that every other child had popcorn, cotton candy, princess soda cups, nachos......She was just mesmerized with the crowds and the show.

She did get a little package of fruit snacks from the Mom behind us. She just offered Kezia a pack without even asking me (which normally would be weird, but I've realized that here in California there is a cultural of informality, where it's totally normal to be casual and very familiar, even with strangers). Kezia was very appreciative and said thank you without being reminded.

When the lights dimmed and the show started, I had a flutter of excitement. It was not only neat for me to be at something like that because I never had the chance to do that as a child, but special that I had the opportunity to take my daughter to a show for the first time. Kezia sat and didn't move for the entire 90 minutes of the show (except during the intermission when we quickly went to the bathroom).
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After the show, she couldn't stop smiling. Her favourite princess was Cinderella, and her favourite dancing part was Ariel with all the fish and Flounder. She was so happy to go and it was meaningful for me to be able to have this experience with Kezia.
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Baby Shower Fun

On Saturday, I had the pleasure of hosting a baby shower for Rut and Rafa, who live in the courtyard with us. Their baby girl isn't here yet, but it's American custom to have the baby shower before the baby is born.
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I was asked to take care of the shower just a few weeks ago. I was offering to help out and ended up being in charge of it. I was intimidated and flattered all at the same time. How would I have the time and creativity to do this? Wow, my neighbours think I have good speaking and leadership skills?

Rachel and I made the invitations 2 weeks ago, which was fun because I got to make cards all evening! I was sick in the beginning of this week and was worried that I wouldn't get everything done, but by Thursday I was healthy, and I had some pretty good ideas from the internet.

Some of the decorations I put together were:

*a diaper cake
*baby sock rose bouquet
*fruit bouquet
*centerpieces made of books, receiving blankets, blocks (this idea was from my friend Rhonda)
*and of course banners made with my lovely cricut
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The games went over pretty well; we had the identify the unknown baby food, how well do you know your old wives' tales, and can you guess the word baby in a foreign language. As I was preparing for this party, I realized that I have really missed being a hostess. We haven't had families over like we used to just because of space and time. Carl even took time out to help cut up fruit and make the centre pieces because he enjoys putting on parties too. So it was nice to be able to pour all my pent up hospitality into a baby shower. It made me feel good that Rut and Rafa had a nice party and that everyone had a good time.
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Busy Week for Asha

This week was very eventful for Asha.

First of all, she mastered the downward dog yoga pose.

She had her first encounter with a cat when we went for supper to Jon and Amy's (and it was very cute how she was pawing at the cat and burrowing her face into it's fur)

Her first tooth popped out on Wednesday and.....

She learned to crawl on Thursday while I was on the phone with Shana! Take a look.

Ethics Class - Naming

I felt like our Ethics class on Wednesday was meant just for me. First of all, it was a very interesting class on the whole concept of naming (which I'll elaborate more on), but I also made a few contributions to the class that really made me feel good about myself. I was wondering if I, a non-student-for-so-many-years would have anything to contribute. But I was encouraged this week that I would have A LOT to contribute, coming out of 8 years of ministry and 29 years of life experience. So being brave and making a comment brought a boost to my esteem. It's better to go out on a limb and say something, than to hide and rob everyone in the class of my perspective (whether it be clear or totally wacked out!)

This past class was on the concept of naming. Basically, all of us are named by God, that we have a purpose and a special calling. And the people in our lives, who know us and are sensitive to God, can see who we really are and then call us. Some of us are called teacher, some of us are called caregiver, some of us are called merciful...each has a unique name. On the flip side, all of us are un-named throughout our lives, like stupid, fat, lazy, worthless. And we spend much energy either carrying around those unnecessary names, or trying to remove them. It kind of reminds me of that milk commercial a couple of years ago where the camera kept taking shots of shirt labels falling to the ground that read, "nerd", "loser" etc. and people walking away from their un-named labels.

The quote (from a past student in the class) that I loved that summed it all up was:

"Naming is a loving process of liberation for both the sender and receiver, for by recognizing and affirming another, both people can embark upon and continue upon the process of discovering God's design for them".

Another quote from the book that we were discussing also brought it home for me.

"A namer has to know who people are, and who they are meant to be" A Wind in the Door (L'Engle, pg 97)

I realized that the people who are in my life are tools in helping me find who I really am. Isn't it amazing to have friends in life who can do that? That they can see you, regardless of the flaws, and look at you the way that you were meant to be looked at and name you. That when they affirm you in your life calling, that they speak words of power and empowerment. Thank you!!

And so I got to thinking about how a few months ago I really struggled with my identity since I always wrapped who I was into what I did. But I realized that it's much deeper than just what I do on an everyday basis. Who I am was set out by God as soon as I was conceived. I have gifts and talents that reflect my true name. Many times I have been named, but like so many others, I'm definitely a person who struggles with all of my un-names. Our professor, Mark, put it really clearly, like when you are un-named, it puts a layer on you, and so when you are named, it's like peeling an onion to reveal the true person on the inside.

When Mark played the song, When you Call my Name by Brian Doerksen, it really spoke to me. I was very moved and realized that God had brought me to this class not only to learn something about Ethics, but to learn even more about myself and my God.

For when You call my name I can see again.

Who You are and who I’m meant to be.

And as You beckon me I am free to see

Who You are and who I’m sent to be.

I am seeking true identity in the light of Your presence.

I am longing to know how You see me.

In the time that You have given me,

release the strength to follow.

And the grace to be who You say I am.

Hear it From Carl - Final Round

Well, I hope that you have enjoyed reading Carl's journals about his Cross Cultural Encounters experience. It was a time that gave Carl lots to think about, and for me, listening and reading his stories, I have been challenged. I hope you have too!

January 18, 2008 – Friday

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Link Care Counseling Center– I truly believe that in the Christian community, the families of missionaries and pastors are often the most in need of therapy and counseling. Living under unrealistic expectations set either by congregations or agencies and combining it with personalities that are predisposed to giving and giving and giving of themselves, creates an environment in which burnout and serious relational breakdown is virtually inevitable. Ideally there ought to be a partner agency to this which focuses its efforts on education of congregations and missions agencies about how to care properly for their pastors and missionaries. So too, pre-mission training about how to maintain boundaries and self-care ought to be a prerequisite for anyone entering full-time ministry.

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I often think of the plight of the children of those families involved in full-time ministry. It is easy to see why they may come to resent the church or religion when they see how their parents have been treated, or when they see how their parents have given everything to “the work” with nothing left for the children. I know that in my own journey, one of the things which I had to work through as a teenager was understanding the sacrifices my parents had made for ministry.

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Fulton Outdoor Mall / Downtown Fresno – There were several things which struck me about the mall today. The fact that we were in an area filled with government offices during the lunch hour and I saw almost no one that looked to be from those offices out on the mall enjoying lunch, etc. made me wonder about the prejudice / fear that might pervade those offices. If so, what does that say about the kind of service that they might provide to those persons who come into their offices. I was particularly bothered by the setup of the Immigration / Homeland Security offices. They were not clearly marked from the street front – there was a hand-written note on the locked door saying that you could not even enter without an appointment and there were several security guards just inside the doors. Does the government really think that they are being threatened by poor, mostly Mexican immigrants? All of this effectively says, “You are not wanted here.” I was surprised by how little effort seemed to have been expended on highlighting the amazing artwork on the mall. Even the famous “Washer Woman” had no plaque or information as to what it was. I also saw little to suggest that parking or public transportation was readily available on the mall. No wonder it is not highly frequented by a broader cross-section of Fresno’s residents. The multitude of little shops could easily be promoted as a cultural highlight, the “Pueblo” or some such district. I know that in my own city, there are three or four highly ethnicized neighborhoods that are marketed in this manner to great success.

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January 19, 2008 – Saturday

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MCC Farm Workers Ministry – The incredible complexity of the migrant workers’ plight is really moving. To hear about the difficult circumstances in Central America which prompt people to come to the United States in search of a better life is helpful in understanding the drive to come to the United States. Even with all the difficulties they face here, it is still better than home. The immigration issues which we face in Canada are very different – more refugee issues rather than undocumented peoples – but I loved to see the discomfort which my fellow classmates were experiencing in the tension between the absolute reliance of this economy on undocumented workers and the negative perceptions and attitudes which pervade. It is absolutely essential for us who have become used to privilege and power to seriously examine the real effects that our nation’s economic and domestic policies have had on vulnerable populations both in Mexico and other “sweatshop” nations which we rely upon for our cheap consumer products.

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Wrap-Up Session – The diversity of symbols was beautiful. I was surprised at the “shallow” response of some and even more surprised by the depth of understanding / realization that some shared – especially from certain persons that I had distanced myself from.

Sick, but not Whiney

I hate being sick. I think it's because I'm a task oriented person and being sick interferes with my plans of getting things done. And it's not just "stuff" that needs to get done, but there are lots of good books on my shelf that I wish I could read, and there's an AMAZING park that I discovered last week that the kids and I should go to again, and there's recipes that I want to try with Kezia, but....

I'm sick.

And on the flip side, it's not like the household stops when Mama is sick. Nooo...kids still need to eat and laundry still needs to get done. I can't lie in bed all day because Carl needs to get to the library to finish his thesis. Finish that thesis, finish that thesis.

I don't think I'm a whiney person when I'm sick, but I'd sure like Carl to pamper me and bring me hot apple juice and tylenol when I feel yucky.

Last week at homegroup (I was getting over some other cold bug), Tamara and I were talking about workaholics that get Mono and they usually die or get chronic fatigue syndrome because they won't stop and rest. And we joked about Rhonda, who is always on the go, that if she ever got Mono, Tamara and I would have to break her legs so that she would stay in bed and rest (because we love her very much and don't want her to die!). But then I got to thinking today, while I was grocery shopping and feeling absolutely awful, maybe I have Mono! Eeek. Maybe I should be at home and rest! Well, that thought disappeared like fog hit by a sunbeam, and by the time I was home, I was rushing around getting stuff done, chatting with the kids, even though I felt gross.

Well, I was up for making dessert for homegroup tonight. It was 2 p.m. and I was feeling like I just wanted to collapse into bed, but I had to make this dessert (which was something I was also craving, so the baking was part selfish, part obligation). I checked my email and found out that dessert was already covered and Rhonda says, Take the night off Kathy! Oh what a relief. And then Carl comes in from the library and after a while says to me, Kathy, you should go and lie down. Even though it was just for an hour, I felt so much better after that. And I was able to enjoy homegroup this evening, especially since I and the kids were able to just come without having to prepare anything.

So I've been reminded that the world can go on without me, and I can afford to take a break, especially when I'm sick. No one minds. And even though I'm not whiney, I'm slowly learning to take it easy.

Hear it From Carl - Round 4

The next two rounds are from Carl's experience in Fresno with his Cross Cultural Encounter Course.

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January 15, 2008 – Tuesday

One by One – It seems odd to me that this organization was able to trace many of the problems in the community to reading levels and truancy but did not extend their analysis to systemic issues which create barriers to addressing those issues. So while it is impressive that they have supported and created a variety of organizations that are working at transforming communities and that they have also drawn churches and leaders into serving their communities, it is troubling that they did not speak of any advocacy or lobbying of political and educational institutions to provide adequate resources for the schools to accomplish their purposes.

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St. James Anglican (seceded from US Episcopal Church) – The bishop’s presentation was one which resonated in many ways for me. As a former pastor, I instantly understood his emphasis on how hearing God’s voice can ground you in a way that allows you to face the inevitable storms of ministry. I felt that the bishop had too easily moved to a polarizing of positions in the difficult process of the church dealing with the question of homosexuality in the church. While I admire the certitude with which he outlined their diocese’s position, I found it troubling to hear him characterize the “liberal” position as being unrecognizable as Christianity. Though I may agree with the interpretation he espoused, I would also suggest that the “liberal” position is consistent with an alternative interpretive grid. They too, are trying to be faithful.

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I loved the image which the dean, Carlos, shared about bringing light into the darkness. It is so true that we often curse the darkness or try to drive it out when all that it really takes is for us to let the light of Christ shine through us.

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New Creation / Sexual Addictions Ministry – As with many people ministering in a particular area to which they feel called and are passionately invested in, it seemed that Russell was convinced of the centrality of this issue in being faithful to the gospel. And it is central, as are poverty, gender issues, racial reconciliation, marital fidelity, etc… While he seemed to be genuine and open in his discussion with us, I also felt that his certainty about the causes and treatments of sexual brokenness narrowed his vision in allowing for a deeper complexity of causality. As we have heard previously, it is true that the church has not adequately addressed the issue of healthy sexuality but that is natural not only because people don’t want to be accountable but also because it is so intimately connected to their sense of self. To speak openly about sexuality requires a remarkable vulnerability which many of our churches are nowhere near being able to live out.

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January 16, 2008 – Wednesday

Temple Beth Israel – This presentation was completely different than I had expected. The faith that was described by the presenter looked very little like the relational understanding of God that we have in Christianity. That much I expected, but what really surprised me was her belief that God should not be understood as an “entity” but more like a “force” that does nice things for you when you ask for it. On the other hand she said that God was not active in history as had been true in the days of the Israelites – then what is the point of prayer? What is the point of worship? Her answer was that it is merely for our own benefit – to remind us of our place in the grand scheme of things – to reorder our thoughts and priorities….. Well, yes, but no…. Do we not praise God because He is worthy of praise? Does God not “dwell in the praise of His people”? The faith she described ended up sounding like a Deist humanism in which humanity is responsible for its own future. I left with a sinking heart and a loss of much of the respect that I had held for Reformed Judaism. If anything, I respect the Orthodox Jews more now than I had before. At least they are trying hard to live by what is actually written rather than a culturally derived interpretation of a suggested set of codes to live by.

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Evangel Home / Women’s Shelter – The biblical mandate to care for the “widows” and “oppressed” is well met here. I really appreciated the emphasis in this ministry to try to help the women that came to them learn how to stop running. This sort of long-term mentoring, training and counseling is bound to have far better outcomes in the long run than just providing beds for them to sleep on for a while. Often in pastoral ministry it feels like I have acted as an enabler to support people in times of crisis so that they can then continue on in the very patterns which have led them to that crisis point and will do so again and again. I think that often our pastoral ministries need to be more deliberate in developing strategies which focus on helping people change the patterns they are in rather than just bridging gaps.

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January 17, 2008 – Thursday

Fresno International Refugee Mission – Once again I was struck by the realization of what one individual committed to a community for the long haul can accomplish. Merely by recognizing needs within a community and moving out of compassion to meet those needs results in lives that are changed and community dynamics that are changed. None of this happens in isolation but rather in partnership and intensive investment of resources and energy. I loved having the opportunity to sit with the students in the English class and interact with them over a lesson. Once again a reminder that refugees are “people” just like the poor are “people” and the homeless are “people” and rich Americans are “people”. The barriers and definitions which we use to separate ourselves from others serve only to dehumanize.

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The little lesson on OT passages was a welcome reminder of how the scriptures can speak to the universal human experience. Whereas my own connection to the Word is centered more upon elements of transformative experience and God’s powerful intervention in my life, the idea that the story of deliverance from Egypt is resonant for South-East Asian refugees was enlightening. This is definitely something which I will need to use more in my preaching and teaching.

Iz A Stewdant Tooh

On Wednesday I attended my first seminary class, Discipleship and Ethics. I have been looking forward to auditing a course for a long time. It will be good for me to have a little taste of what Carl has been doing the last few months, as well as give me the opportunity to learn and be challenged. I also have the chance once a week to step out of my Mom role and enter into the Student life for a brief time. It's been 7 1/2 years since I've been in university and since then I've only taken a Spanish class. I'm a bit out of practice sitting for a 3 hour class and taking notes.

I decided to take Discipleship and Ethics because I was told by many seminary people, graduates and current students, that it's the course to take. The professor is amazing and the course is very insightful. Carl took the course a number of years ago in Winnipeg, so I'll be interested to see what kind of differences we will notice.

I have already enjoyed the reading. This past week I read, Lest Innocent Blood be Shed by Hallie. It's a pretty good book, I would recommend it. It really made me think about pacifism and the choices that need to be made by being a conscientious objector. Plus I have a large package of articles and book excerpts that I will read from each week.

A couple of things that I learned this past Wednesday are:

1) discipleship and ethics can be used as synonyms in the Anabaptist understanding
2) that God passed down ethics to us, not as a to do list, but like a garment he offered to Adam and Eve; it's a better way to live considering the alternative was to wear fig leaves
3) I always wondered why God would put the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil in the garden if Adam and Eve couldn't eat from it. Well, the tree placed there, not available for Adam and Eve, represents our limitations as humans. Why should we have full run of the garden like God? We aren't God, we are limited beings.

There were lots of other things that I learned, but I won't regurgitate the entire course. I just thought I would share some things that made me stop and think Hmm... this week.

The only dilemma with my course on Wednesday nights is I'm going to miss America's Next Top Model.....hopefully Carl can get the VCR to record so that while I'm at my Discipleship and Ethics course I don't miss my trashy show! :)

Hear it From Carl - Round 3

Jan. 11 – Friday

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Harambee House –I really loved the familial sense of responsibility which Rudy expressed as the key to working with the neighborhood. The idea that every child is “his” child from the age of 7-30 is such a much broader vision that just getting them through grade school or just getting them out of drugs, etc. Over and over again, this theme of incarnational ministry is being repeated and I think that I’m starting to get a grasp of what it means to give your life for others. Overall, I just got a really positive feeling from our visit there and the sense that there really is hope to a community completely be transformed.

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Islamic Center – One of my fears in going to the Islamic Center is that there would not be a willingness to engage in open dialogue with us around the questions of threat which many westerners / Christians feel about the aggressive nature of the Islam which we have been exposed to. I was right. The progressive / moderate view of Islam which was shared with us felt very much like a well polished presentation which was designed to inform but not engage. When questions about relations between the two faiths were raised, it was not acknowledged as a mutually necessary conversation. I felt as though the presenter was being somewhat disingenuous. He raised the interesting maxim of “which Christianity” and “which Islam” we are talking about. But the problem is that there are readily identifiable leaders in the various branches of Christianity whose viewpoint is generally accepted as “authoritative” for that faith community. When speaking of Islam, it seems that there is a very nebulous quality to who speaks for “Islam” and while some would denounce what others would assert, it is not clear where the authoritative voice lies. It is a copout to say that this Westernized version of Islam should be the only thing we should talk about when there are so many other voices from that faith which command our attention.

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In the worship of the mosque, I found that it seemed to be a highly individualized and dividing experience. There seemed to be very little sense of community amongst those in attendance. While I saw a very few people give one another greetings, there were almost no extended conversations which I saw, and everyone seemed to rush off to do their own thing again. It was dividing in that there was no place in the main worship area for the older men with disabilities. There was no way for the women to engage in the activities except by sound – no visual. The sermon also focused very much on the individual struggle to act in righteousness in fear of judgment. I left this experience vaguely frustrated and which a sense of tiredness – hopelessness.

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Union Rescue Mission – This experience really surprised me. I was expecting something which was more in line with the previous experiences of missions which I have participated in. This facility was bright and clean and orderly. There was a high level of respect and friendliness in the place as well. The progression of possible involvement and a chance to change lives by supported effort was encouraging and seemed very realistic and hopeful. Once again, the tremendous reliance on partnerships was evident – especially in the food preparation area and yet always within the context of their faith perspective. I really appreciated that the worship services were for those who had willingly joined the programs and were committed to being a part of the work at the mission. Those who came for food, clothing, and shelter only were freely welcomed in grace and the name of Christ without being preached to in words. This felt so much more comfortable to me than previous experiences where I was expected to preach to the hungry rather than feed them.

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Jan. 12 – Saturday

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Dream Center / Angeles Temple - I had a lot of misgivings about this ministry experience before we went. Although I was somewhat familiar with the program itself, I was more than a little skeptical about having middle-aged white guys from outside the community attempting to connect with the local community. As it turns out, I needn’t have worried. While there were quite a number of people who were indifferent to our presence, there were indeed some who were so happy to receive us and invite us into their homes and to receive prayer or other assistance that the church could offer. As I visited with several residents of the neighborhood that I was sent to, I was clearly reminded of my own prejudices and assumptions. While the people I talked to had all kinds of “problems”, most of them were just as anxious to get out of the area as I was but unlike me, they really had no where else to go, except to another neighborhood that they could afford which would be just as rough as this one. I was humbled. The repeated emphasis on relationships was encouraging and was demonstrated over and over again as the team I was with hugged their way through the neighborhood. This sort of self-giving love and offering to meet needs is something which I should be doing with my own neighbors. I should be offering love and relationship to those all around me – without it being a program of the church.

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January 13 – Sunday

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Mosaic Church – Pasadena: The emphasis on the arts was really apparent now that I have seen this church twice now. From the improv team that opened the service to the elaborate backdrops for the stage setup and the artist painting during the message, this faith community has really found a way to connect with the artistic community of this area. As I listened to the music, I reflected on the lyrics and realized that it was entirely culturally driven rather than theologically. It was highly individualized and only referred to God in very generalized terms that can easily be interpreted according to individual preference. The teaching is another matter. The clear, insightful teaching pulls no punches and deals directly with issues that are relevant to those who desire to follow Christ faithfully. It was interesting to note, however that the congregation was fairly homogenous middle-upper class white folks and there was little diversity to be seen anywhere. Maybe in being inclusive of a particular culture (LA arts) they have become unwittingly uni-cultural in other ways.

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Armenian Evangelical Church – Pasadena: I was expecting to be completely out of my element in a congregation that did not worship in English. However, the format of the church was actually very familiar – it was like a very traditional evangelical / Baptist church. It was amazing to see how the culture of 1950’s fundamentalism had become assimilated within the context of an ethnically defined congregation. It made me wonder what the influences were that helped to form this congregation. During the singing it was really interesting to see the difference between the solemn singing of English hymns that had been translated into Armenian and then the joyful and rhythmic and LOUD singing of those songs which originated from their own culture. It truly reinforced for me that heart language is terribly important in the expression faith. Though this church describes itself as evangelical, I have no idea how they expect to reach out to their community when they are exclusively focused on their ethnic identity.